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Archive for November, 2011

Destiny

I wasn’t going to post this month.  November is National Novel Writers Month and my family and I are taking up the challenge of writing a novel in a month.  Even my second grader is in on the act working on her second book that I have promised to have it bound if she finishes.  In the interest of being a part of this and supporting my children I will be working on a novel and there will be no more posts for the month of November but I had this one partial blog started and after a few incidents and a final conversation this morning it all sort of came together and I figured what the heck I’ll put it out there.  I started this at the end of October but something else came up.  Looking back I could see why, the lesson wasn’t finished yet. 

October 28th:  Once again I find myself at the end of the month and in need of one more post.  I can’t say I haven’t had ideas or lessons.  The problem is I have had many lessons each one different from the other and I have difficulty choosing one.  I feel like my lessons are like a river raging to the sea but I am stuck in an eddy swirling, mixing and acquiring a multitude of concepts but not building on anything strong enough to move me forward. 

I started this river ride bumping and bouncing down the white water of regret and depression when I said the wrong thing at the absolute perfect time.  I hit a patch of calm water when I realized I was being called to pay attention to what was going on around me, to be present and mindful in every moment;  a simple thing really, pay attention to where you are, who you are and who you are with, and yet I repeatedly forget to be where I am.

I then moved on to a lesson on attachment noting how an amazing moment can be taken abruptly if you suddenly want more than what you have.  Then I experienced such profound grief I was amazed how strong the feelings could be.  Later, I discovered the mindfulness of yoga and came right back to my original lesson of being present.  All the lessons, saying the wrong thing, being present, attachment, and regret seemed separate and my education felt a bit disjointed. If I keep having to go around and around, mindfulness, attachment, regret, back to mindfulness this could get really old really fast especially the regret part.  That was not fun. 

Then one day I took a step back.  I took a look at all the prominent ideas in my life.  My new direction to eat healthy and strengthen my body, my drive to write, my interest in enlightenment and my hobby of finding true spirituality in other religions, my ability to teach to the person before me and clearly see each person as a spiritual individual, the fact that I listen more (YES I listen more!) and when I listen more the few words of wisdom I share not only make sense but actually help!  I’m not stuck!  I’m in training! 

There was a day some years back when I looked at all I could do and thought there is something valuable there.  I know the best way to be fulfilled is to be who I am destined to be.  I looked to the sky and said, “Ok, use me.  Take everything I am and use my skills to make this world a better place.  I am yours.”  I ignored the twinge of fear that wanted to immediately take the statement back. 

I believe there will come a day when my words, my actions and my beliefs will help.  I may be destined to help many; I may be destined to help only one.   The Universe doesn’t discriminate we are all valuable.  Spiritual beliefs and personal enlightenment are important but to be spiritually healthy and whole we must be balanced.  In the simplest of descriptions, we are made up of the mind, body and soul.  I have always nurtured my mind.  In the last ten years I have explored my spirituality and watched my thinking change and grow but I admit I have vehemently ignored my body.  Isn’t it funny that over the last two years my views have moved to the food I eat and the way my body feels?  My lessons are not disjointed they are meant to teach me how to balance the three parts of my humanity.  They have been teaching me to nurture and love not just my mind and soul but my body as well.  I am learning how to identify and care for all that I am, and if the universe takes me up on my offer It may  call me to help others do the same and as intimidating and arrogant as that sounds, for some strange reason, it feels right. 

Destiny feels right.  Step into it.  

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